I Did It Before And I'll Do It Again
by valeskathesilverwolf
Summary: Dean gets mad at Cas for not being there to save little kid on a hunt that goes wrong. Before Dean can get a chance to apologize, Cas gets hurt saving Dean. Will Dean get to apologize, or will he be forced to live with his guilt?
1. Chapter 1

**I Did It Before And I'll Do It Again**

**Summary: Dean gets mad at Cas for not being there to save little kid on a hunt that goes wrong. Before Dean can get a chance to apologize, Cas saves Dean from being killed, but he pays the price. Will Cas survive? Hurt!Cas Caring!Guilty!Dean**

**Chapter One- **

* * *

><p>"Dean it wasn't your fault." Sam said, trying to calm his brother down.<p>

"Dammit Sammy we could've saved that kid."

"We tried out best Dean, sometimes these things happen." Sam said.

"Your brother is right Dean. It was the child's time." Said Cas, appearing out of thin air.

"And where the hell were you? I called for you, and you didn't come!" Dean shouted at Cas.

"I was-"

"Busy I know. It's the same shit every time. We could've saved that kid if you would've came, but I forgot you've got to play ass boy for your brothers."

"Dean." Sam said, giving him a look that meant he had gone to far.

"I couldn't come to your aid, because I was in the heat of battle. I lost ten of my brothers today Dean. Ten. Most of them by my hand."

Dean looked at Cas and saw how tired and hurt he looked.

"I can't come to your every need. I have to fight with my brothers. I fight to protect the Earth and you!"

Before Dean got a chance to say anything, Castiel had flown away.

"Dean that was harsh. It wasn't his fault." Said Sam.

"I know. I'm just pissed off. I will apologize to him later."

* * *

><p>Three weeks had passes since then and the Winchesters had not seen head or wing of the angel. Dean was starting to get a guilty feeling in his gut. He felt bad for what he said to Cas. He was mad and Cas had happened to be standing closest to him. He would apologize when he saw him next. In the meantime, him and Sam were working on taking out a group of demons.<p>

He and Sam carefully snuck into the warehouse. Ruby's knife in hand.

"Get ready Sammy, these bitches are going to come from everywhere."

The broke in the door and went after the demons. They were holding their own. Sam had already killed four and was working on his fifth. Dean stabbed one demon in the neck then pulled out the knife and quickly threw it into another one's chest. He was so distracted he didn't see the demon come from behind him.

"Dean look out!" Yelled Sam.

Dean turned around just in time to see the demon come at him with the knife. He flinched and waited for the pain to come. It didn't come.

He opened his eyes and saw a tan trench coat in front of him, protecting him from the knife. The was protruding from Cas' abdomen.

_No! He would be okay. It was just a knife._

Dean remembered stabbing Cas with Ruby's knife when the first met. He pulled it out without a flinch.

The demon tried a second time, but Castiel put his hand on the demon's face and killed him. Sam killed the last demon and stood and looked at Cas.

"Cas? Are you okay?" Asked Dean, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Dean-" Said Sam, staring at the knife. Dean went to Cas' front and just stared. Light was seeping out from the edges of the knife, still lodged in his friend's belly.

"Dean-" Gasped Cas. His knees buckled and he started to fall to the floor.

"CAS!" Dean cried out, catching the angel in his arms. Slowly Dean sunk to floor with his friend.

"Cas! Talk to me. Tell me what to do!" Dean demanded.

"Nothing...you...can...do..." Cas whispered, leaning over and vomiting blood.

"No. No no no no! Cas come on stay with me. You're not getting out that easy." Dean stampered, holding the angel's face.

"M' sry D'n." Castiel whispered.

"Stop it! I'm the one who is sorry. I should have never said that to you the other day. I understand, just don't leave me!"

Cas closed his eyes, and his head lolled to one side.

"Balthazar! Gabriel! Somebody get down here now."'Sam prayed. "Cas was stabbed with an angel sword. We need help...he's in bad shape."

"Sam help!" Screamed Dean.

Sam ran over and felt to see if the angel had a pulse. "He has a pulse. Dean, his wings aren't showing. He's not dead, he just passed out."

"How do we help him? Do we pull the knife out and stop the bleeding, or do we leave it in?" Asked Dean.

"I don't know. But we can't stay here. We need to get to Bobby's."

"Help me lift him up." Said Dean, as they carefully hoisted Castiel up. This made Cas stir and he let out a pitiful groan. "Easy Cas. We've got you. We're going to get you help."

They each put an arm around Cas and let his feet drag between them. They got to the Impala and Sam told Dean to get in the back seat. Carefully, as to not disturb his wound, Sam and Dean brought him into the car, and Dean put his head in his lap. Sam ran to the drivers seat and stepped on the gas.

* * *

><p>They were almost halfway to Bobby's when Cas woke up.<p>

"Cas?" Asked Dean.

"Mhm." Cas grumbled.

All of the sudden Cas sat strait up and grabbed at the knife.

"Cas! Cas, calm down. It's okay you're safe. I've got you."

"Dean..."

"Yeah Cas I'm here."

"It...hurts..."

That a lump form in Dean's throat. He had never seen the angel this weak before. It hurt him inside to know that this happened because Cas had saved him.

"I know buddy. I know." He said, soothingly, rubbing circles on Cas' back.

"Should we take him to the hospital?" Asked Sam.

"And tell them what? My friend got stabbed by a demon, don't worry about it glowing, it's because he's an angel."

"What should we do then?"

"Take him to Bobby's and summon every angel in heaven if we have to."

* * *

><p>An hour later, they pulled up to Bobby's house. Again they pulled Cas between them.<p>

"Bobby! Bobby! Open the door!" Yelled Dean.

"What the hell you idgit-" Bobby cut off when he saw the angel between them with an angel sword sticking out if him. "Jesus!"

"Help us take him down to the panic room." Said Dean.

They got the angel downstairs and put him down on the bed. "Bobby what should we do?"

"Summon a damn angel for help. If we pull it out we don't know what will happen, and we certainly can't leave it in." Bobby said.

Dean striped Cas of his trench coat and his shirt. He winced when he saw the knife sticking into his bare flesh, blood pooling around it.

He knew this was all his fault, and he never got the chance to apologize to Cas. He could hardly look as Castiel moaned and whimpered.

He tried praying hoping someone would come. "I know we are not that popular upstairs, but Castiel is...dying. He needs help. He got hurt saving me. Please just come down and tell us what to do! I know you may not be on the best terms, but he is still your brother."

Dean heard the fluttering of wings and turned around.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Please let me know if I should post the second chapter to this. Also please leave a comment, alert, etc:<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I Did It Before And I'll Do It Again**

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for reviewing, alerting, favoriting, etc: I really appreciate it. I would have updated really quick, but I wasn't able to get on the Internet. I actually have changed this to Hurt!Sick!Cas as you will notice. Hope you like it. **

**Chapter 2- **

Dean turned around at the sound of wings. Gabriel was standing in the room with them.

"Nice of you to finally show up." Snarked Dean.

"What the hell happened to my brother?" Gabriel snarled.

"Demon stabbed him with the angel sword."

"I can see that dipshit! Why didn't you pull it out?"

"We didn't know what to do! We prayed and nobody showed till you!"

Sam and Bobby came running down, because they heard the yelling. They stopped when they saw a red faced Dean standing over one side of Cas and Gabriel, looking like he was about to snap his fingers and kill Dean, on the other. It's what happens when to big brothers are both trying to protect.

"None of this is helping Cas you idjits!" Yelled Bobby, pointing at the Archangel and the elder Winchester.

"What do we do?" Sam asked Gabriel.

Gabriel bent down beside Cas and placed his hand on the hilt of the knife. "You may want to cover your ears. This is going to get loud."

Gabriel grabbed Cas's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It's okay bro. I've got you now."

He turned to the humans watching behind him and said, "Give me a belt."

Sam quickly took his off and threw it to him. Then Gabriel folded it over and put it in Cas' mouth. "Here goes nothing." He said, as he pulled the knife out.

Cas screamed in his true voice, his back was arching off the bed. The lights exploded and the room shook. Dean, Sam, and Bobby fell to the floor covering their ears.

Cas fell back into the bed with a strangled cry. Light was beaming through the wound at full strength. Dean eased himself back up and ran over to his fallen friend. Cas lay painting on the bed, moaning, and grabbed the sheets in his hands. Blood spurted out of the wound along with the light. Cas' eyes fluttered, and his breathing slowed.

"God dammit heal him!" Screamed Dean.

Gabriel put his hands on his little brother. Nothing happened.

"What the-"

"Gabriel..." Cas mumbled.

"Cas don't. Save your strength." Said Dean.

"Demon...blood on the...sword." Cas whispered.

Gabriel stood up and screamed in frustration. "Freggin' stupid ass Winchesters!"

Dean, Sam, and Bobby stood looking alarmed. The Archangel looked distraught.

"What does demon blood on an angel sword do?" Asked Sam.

"Poison. It taints an angel's grace, eventually destroying it." Said a new voice.

Balthazar stepped beside Sam and looked at Cas.

"What do we do to stop it?" Asked Dean.

Gabriel advanced on Dean, but Balthazar stopped him. "There is no way to stop it." Said Balthazar.

"So what you are just going to give up?"

Gabriel flew in front of Dean and pushed him up against the wall. "Listen good Winchester! My brother is dying, and it's because of you! So help me dad I'm going to smite you!" Gabriel growled.

"Gabriel!" Shouted the weak Cas, lifting up to glare at his brother.

"Cas, stay down." Said Balthazar, gently pushing his brother back down onto the bed.

"Balthazar I-"

"That's enough, okay Cassy. You need every bit of your strength you can get." Balthazar said.

Balthazar looked to Dean and said, "Fix up the wound. It won't help if his vessel doesn't have any blood left."

"Will it stop the grace from flowing out?" Asked Sam.

"It should."

"Sam hand me the first-aid." Said Dean. Sam threw it to him, and Dean began cleaning out the wound with alcohol. Cas winced and Dean felt the guilt in his stomach rise.

Bobby growled in frustration. "Hell I'm not just going to stand here."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see what I can find out about this."

"Dean you need any help?" Asked Sam.

"Go." Dean nodded.

Dean turned to the angels in the room. "Well are you going to help at all?" He snapped.

"Tarael. If anybody knows what to do it would be her." Said Balthazar.

"Why would she want to help him?" Said Gabriel. "Don't get me wrong, but last time I checked she wasn't a fan of rebelling angels."

"You're a bloody arch-angel! Command her to help." Said Balthazar.

"So she can bitch to Raphael that Cas is poisoned? You want a mob of angels after him?"

"Gabriel, She is his only shot. It's time for you to grow some balls and stand up!"

"You-" Gabriel started, but was cut off by Cas coughing.

"Cas, you okay?" Asked Dean.

Castiel continued to cough violently. He turned over to his side. Blood spilled out of his mouth, he wheezed trying to breathe.

"Cas!" Balthazar ran and put a hand on his younger brother's back. He wanted to heal him, but he knew it wouldn't do anything.

"Cas look at me!" Shouted Dean, his heart was pounding in his best so hard he thought it was going to burst. "Take it easy. Breathe in slowly. Then out. In and out." Dean continued to talk Cas through it until he had stopped coughing. Balthazar rubbed circles into his brother's back. Cas turned onto his back with a groan, blood staining his teeth and chin. Dean quickly wiped the blood away and started back working on the stab wound.

Balthazar turned to look at Gabriel. The arch-angel was extremely pale and had a look of desperation on his face. There was a flutter of wings and Gabriel was gone.

Two hours had passed, Castiel's condition had worsened. He was running a fever, swear forming on his brow. Dean had taken a towel, wet it with cold water, and set it on the angel's forehead. The skin around the wound had turned red, with black spider veins sprouting from it.

Sam and Bobby had no luck so far with research. They had been working non-stop. Balthazar nervously paced on the floor. Dean had told him to help Sam and Bobby, the worried angel had almost driven him insane with his pacing. Although, he could understand his point of view. He would be just as bad if it was Sam. But it was Cas lying in the bed.

And it was his fault. His best friend lay...

He couldn't say it. Cas wasn't going to die. Not like this.  
>Dean saw the pain in the angel's face. He lay with his eyes closed, hand closed tight.<p>

"Cas?" Dean asked.

Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean.

"Dean."

"I'm going to give you morphine, for the pain. It may not do much, but hopefully it'll help some."

Dean looked in the medical supplies and realized that he needed an IV. He knew Bobby kept one somewhere.

"Cas I'm going to get an IV from upstairs. I'll only be gone a second."

The angel closed his eyes and nodded.

Dean ran upstairs and saw Bobby and Sam buried in books.

"Hey Bobby where is your IV at?"

"In the cabinet over there."

"I'm going to give him some morphine. Hopefully it'll lessen the pain some." Dean said, looking at Balthazar.

"Try it." Balthazar said, with a shrug.

Dean grabbed the IV and hurried back into the panic room. Cas heard him coming and opened his eyes. Dean set up the IV and filled the bag with morphine. He then disinfected the back of Cas' hand and stuck the needle in. Cas winced and looked away from Dean.

"There, you fill it working?" Asked Dean.

"It has lessened the pain." Said Cas, bleakly.

Dean sat next to him and put a hand on Cas' shoulder.

"Cas, I didn't mean anything I said. I'm sorry man. You gave up everything for me and Sam. You've died for us already, you're not doing it again. Especially not because you saved me ass." Said Dean, hanging his head.

"I will endeavor not to do so." Cas said light heartily.

Dean smirked. "I'm sorry Cas-"

"Dean I never took your words seriously." Cas said. "You are forgiven."

The guilt that Dean held went away a little bit.

"Can you send Balthazar in. I need to speak with him... alone." Said Cas.

"Sure."

Dean called Balthazar, who flew down into the panic room.

"I'll give you two some space." Said Dean, backing out and going up the stairs.

"You needed me Cas?"

"You remember Daniel?" Asked Cas.

"Of course."

"You know what Michael did for him. To keep a part of his grace pure."

"Cas-"

"If it comes to it... I want you to do the same for me."

"Cas no! I can't!" Said Balthazar.

"Please brother. You are my oldest friend."

"Cas, you are asking me to kill you!" Balthazar exclaimed.

"If I am to die. I'd rather it'd be at your hand than a demon's poison."

Balthazar turned his head, his eyes watering. He thought for a long time. "I will do it Cas, but only if you are an inch away from death's door."

"Thank you brother."

A loud cry of triumph was heard from upstairs. "I've got something!"

**Cliff hanger! This is one of the longest chapter I have ever written, if not the longest. Review please. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

I Did It Before And I'll Do It Again

Author's Note- Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited! I love you guys ;p and yeah I'm alive.

This takes place in an AU season 6. There will be flashbacks to come that will explain what took place.

Chapter 3-

"I found something!" Sam cried, as he jumped up from the table where he was reading.

"What?" Asked Dean and Balthazar in unison.

"It says that heavenly grace can only be cleansed by a righteous soul."

"A righteous soul?" Bobby huffed. "Where are we going to get one of those?"

Dean thought for a minute before asking. "Will mine work?"

"Dean-" Sam warned.

"I'm the righteous man, does that make my soul righteous?"

Balthazar stared at Dean. He was willing to whatever it took to help Cas. Dean and Cas had grown on each other and formed a bond that Balthazar was slightly jealous of.

"Your soul is like any other humans, except maybe for the grace in it-"

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" Dean studdered, for a second.

"You're an angel's vessel. All vessels have a part of grace in them.  
>More specifically the angel who can inhabit them."<p>

"So I have part of Michael's grace in me."

"Which means I have Lucifer's." Sam said, looking down at the floor.

"Well yes, technically you each have both of theirs. You're of the same bloodline. Sorry Dean you're not special." Balthazar spat.

"I never said I was! All I want to do is help Cas."

"He wouldn't need help if he hadn't save your sorry ass! That's how he always gets in this situation; he saves you!"

"I -"

"I may have to kill my brother, because of you!" Balthazar shouted, immediately regretting it. They weren't supposed to know about that. Oh Cassie was going to kill him.

"What?" The three humans gaped at Balthazar.

The angel sighed and ran a hand over his face. "He made me promise that if his grace became too infected I would kill him. If he is to die, he will do it with his grace pure."

"You agreed to do it." Dean stated, trembling with rage.

"I couldn't deny what so many angels have received. He is not the first angel to be infected, nor will he be the last."

"If this has happened before then how come you don't know what to do?" Bobby asked.

"All of them died," came the whispered reply.

A silence settled over the four of them. Each letting the statement set in.

"So what do we do?" Sam asked.

"All we can do is hope Gabriel is convincing enough."

"Great, I guess we are screwed."

"My brother may act like an asshole, but he cares about Cas."

"Because he sure proved that last time-"

"He gave his life for you hairless ape! He is lucky father revived him-"

"And he screwed with us as soon as he got back." Dean argued.

"I can't blame him."

"You-"

Sam stood up from the table and started walking down the stairs. He couldn't listen to another minute of fighting. He knew it was out of worry for Cas, but he was worried too. You didn't see him or Bobby about to claw each other's eyes out. He shook his head, and headed towards Cas.

The angel looked paler since the last time Sam had seen him. Sam checked his pulse and was relieved that it seemed steady, weak, but steady. Placing his hand on his friend's forehead, he felt to see if he was running a fever. Cas' skin was hot to the touch, and Sam could see him shivering. Quickly, he got a wool blanket and stretched it over the prone form.

He sat back in a chair and looked to see two half-lidded blue eyes staring at him.

"Hey Cas, how you doing?"

"I feel...weak."

"I expected that. You're running a fever."

Cas nodded his head and swallowed.

"You know I never really thanked you for pulling me out." Sam started.

"You didn't have to-"

"I do, Cas. You pulled me out of hell. I owe you more than a thank you."

Yelling was heard upstairs, followed by a crash. Sam cursed and palmed his face. "That would be our idiot big brothers."

Castiel chuckled, which soon turned into a wince. Sam frowned with worry.

"Cas...Balthazar told us what you made him promise to do." Castiel flinched and focused his gaze away from Sam. "I know where you are coming from with this, but it's not going to come to that. We are going to save you."

"Sam, it's highly unlikely I will survive this-"

"No... just no. Cas you can't give up. We aren't giving up, Cas. We are your family, and we are going to fight this."

Cas was speechless. He stared at this man, who considered him a part of his family. Someone who actually gave a damn about him.

"Thank you." He rasped. He sighed and sunk down into the pillow. All of the sudden someone was thudding down the stairs. Sam swallowed and ran a hand over his face. He knew Dean was teetering over the edge. When Dean got worried, he often became...pissed off.

"Sam, I need a minute with Cas."

"Dean-"

"Alone." Sam shook his head and looked apologetically at Cas.

"What the hell were you thinking? Wait..let me answer that. You weren't thinking. Goddammit Cas! How could you? What we were just going to walk in here and find you dead? After all this I've got to worry about you being suicidal? Jesus! Cas you are like a brother to me and Sam, hell Bobby has basically adopted you as one of us. But you...Coward! You'd rather skip out and leave us. I just got Sam back, so I'm not going to loose you! You're the angel that had to go and pull me out of hell, and help us, and become my friend..." Dean choked and turned away. A lone tear trailing down his face.

"Dean...I'm sorry."

"Oh Cas, just don't okay. I thought you trusted us...trusted me.

"Dean I do! I-" Cas broke off suddenly. The pain in his wound increased significantly. He cried out and curled in on himself.

"Cas? Cas! What's wrong?" Dean panicked; his heart racing in his chest. He grabbed the angel's shoulders and forced him to lay flat. Dean pushed the blanket down to look at the wound. It was an angry red color and black spider veins sprouted around it. "Oh shit...no." Dean grabbed on to his angel and held him while he struggled.

"Dean...dear father...please...it hurts!" Cas cried out, moving closer into Dean's embrace.

"I've got you buddy. I've got you." Dean rubbed his friend's back.

Sam ran into the room and watched the situation unfold with pure horror. He prayed to God or anybody that was listening for help.


End file.
